Apologize
by cartoon moomba
Summary: Colette has grown used to saying 'I'm sorry'. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **Tales of Symphonia does not belong to me.

**Rating: **K

**Spoilers:** Slight Tower of Salvation.

**AN:** I'm sorry that this one is late. ; ; I lost some GC cords for a while and I just managed to play ToS again a few days ago. Question: should I make this into a series, and have a oneshot for each party character? Drop me a review to tell me what you think.

**Apologize**

--

Colette is always saying sorry.

Ever since her birth she has been special – as far back as she can remember, there were people caring and cooing over her, making sure she was comfortable and happy. She doesn't wonder why this happens as a child, instead lavishing in the attention and giggling as her grandmother leans over to cradle her in her cot. Her father stands in the doorway, smiling and beaming at the bundle of joy held in the elderly woman's arms, and for a moment, manages to forget what exactly this child is.

Colette grows up, and begins to wonder where her mother is.

_"Daddy?"_

_Frank turns to his five year old daughter – no, not daughter, never blood daughter he reminds himself – as she stands in the doorway of the dining room, watching him with wide blue eyes that her mother had once possessed._

_"Yes, Colette?" He asks, smiling, and she cocks her head to the side with a curious smile._

_"Daddy, where's my mommy?"_

_The man is startled, staggering back and has to balance himself on the wooden table behind him. Colette's smile turns as worried as a child's can be, and she takes a step forward._

_"Daddy?"_

_Dazedly, Frank wonders what brought this question on – he wasn't ready for it yet, even though he knew it was coming someday, so he stares at the girl in front of him for a few silent moments before answering._

_"She's… in a better place."_

_Colette is a smart child, he knows, so it shouldn't really surprise him when she bows her golden head and stares at the floor._

_"I'm sorry, Daddy."_

_An angel's child indeed, he thinks to himself as she turns from the room and doesn't appear before him for another hour, and he wonders whether she can sense his pain or not._

_The topic of her mother is never brought up again._

Determined, Colette asks around the village and the priests, who laugh gently down at her and tell her that she is the child of the angels – her real mother and father are back in Heaven, watching over her until a special time comes and she can join them.

"But Daddy is my daddy," she says, as innocent as ever, but the priest just shakes his graying head and leads her over to the Church's library, setting out a particular book in front of her.

"Once upon a time, there existed a giant tree that was the source of all mana…" He starts, and doesn't stop until the end, and Colette's life is changed forever in the time span of ten minutes.

A part of her is amazed – her, the heroine who is to save the entire world! Imagine that, she giggles, but thinks, later, that becoming an angel is scary, since she wouldn't be able to see her father or the village again.

The other part is beginning to hate them for it.

When Colette is seven, her church training is set to begin – she is reading ancient scripts, learning of the Goddess and the Kharlan War; the Regeneration Journey, the Chosen Ones, and most important – her own journey, that she must complete, no matter what.

"But isn't it scary?" She asks her tutor one day after reading of the people called the _Desians_, and doesn't expect the priest's face to turn a horrid red color.

"'Scary'?" He asks, his voice rising higher. "The regeneration journey is never called 'frightening' – hundreds of Chosen Ones have completed it, in the name of the Goddess Martel, and it is only because of them that we are able to live as we do now…" He continues his rant for another few minutes, and Colette is now scared of _him_, so she bows her head and forces the tears back.

"I'm sorry," she says and the phrase calms him, so she stays silent and continues reading her scripts as an obedient child would.

The next few years are full of her half-hearted apologies because sometimes she's just not what the priests _expect her to be_, but it makes everything easier, so she falls into a routine against her will, hating herself for it.

Years pass, and over time, she's growing convinced that she will complete the Regeneration Journey – if not for herself since she knows what will happen through it, then for her new friends and for her father (even if he refuses to being related to her by blood).

That hurts her a bit, too, but she has to keep silent because she knows no one will believe her.

And then she finds herself falling in love.

She doesn't know whether it's true or not, but she decides to make the best of it as much as she can, treasuring every laugh and every moment with the boy named Lloyd Irving who's the outsider of the village – kind of like her, except she's not really an _outsider _but nobody treats her as a normal village girl so it makes her feel the same. She tries not to let it happen at first, because when she's gone what will _happen_, but overtime those defenses grow weak and she's always smiling at him now.

She's glad that he is as naïve as he appears to be, because she can't bear the thought of him ever finding out with the time of the Oracle approaching.

_Yes,_ she thinks, gazing out across the village that's kind-of-sort-of her home atop a distant cliff. _The Oracle will come, and I will complete my journey. _

_For Lloyd._

When it starts, she doesn't let anyone see her fear and hides it behind determination and brilliant smiles, accepting their praises and wishes of luck, before setting out with her Professor and the man who calls himself Kratos Aurion.

She doesn't want Lloyd to come, but he and Genis manage to do so anyways and she's so happy that she's certain that she is being selfish – a selfish Chosen? Unheard of! – but she's always happier when her friends are with her, so the mask drops and she can be herself for a while.

It's easy to forget what's going to happen, sometimes, but for her, those times are far too few and in-between.

She's lost her ability to sleep, to eat, to feel, to talk, but she goes on nevertheless, for _Lloyd for Genis for Raine for Father _and refuses to let her mind think otherwise.

But when Lloyd is shaking in front of her, crying, embracing her in his arms the night before the final part of her journey, she wants to cry too and to feel his arms around her, reassure him back that she's so glad he cares for her as well.

And most of all, she wants her voice back, to tell him one last truthful _I'm sorry_, because even as many times as she has uttered those words before in her past, she wants this one to come from her heart and to mean _something _for the both of them.

But she can't, so she just smiles and lets her lips form the words, before embracing the young man back and letting herself enjoy the moment as much as she can.

When her hired bodyguard approaches her early the next morning, she doesn't let him say anything and just smiles and nods before setting off up the steep Hima hill. The man apologizes a half-hearted apology as they fly to her tomb, but she only shakes her head and lets him gaze into her mind since she's known who he is for such a long time now, and finds herself not minding in the least.

_Not for me, _she informs him, and he knows she is talking of the journey. _For Genis, for Professor Raine, and for my Father._

…_For Lloyd._

She knows that Kratos understands just what she is feeling.

The dragon lands on the smooth ground of the tower and she takes her last steps forward.

…


End file.
